Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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