so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
