Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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