you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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