I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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