Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
