you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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