He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm going to jail i love you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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