Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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