You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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