There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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