That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
