I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
