so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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