How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
