i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
