I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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