dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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