Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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