i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
