whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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