We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
