i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
