$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
