I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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