I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
