So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
