Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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