no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
