shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
