just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
