I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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