She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize