it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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