I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
