Already got asked if we're dating
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
