dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
