i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
