You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
