you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
