i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
