You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
