Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
