i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
