Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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