Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
