I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
