How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
