i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
