I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
