I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
