I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
