Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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