I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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