Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am one with the molecules
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
