I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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