just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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