Im at strip club and am horny
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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