and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
